my first crew outing at marina is over.

i was appointed to organise the outing.

u noe how stress was it?

i booked the chalet.

i called fro food catering.

i need to contact transport thru and fro.

need to organise games and activities fro my crews so tat they wont feel boring.

they wont feel regretted going.

and when the day had finally ended.

tirta told me 'this is the most fun crew outing i ever had'

i was so happy.

i achieved my motive.

it was oso my most fun crew outing too.

though it was not a easy job to contact the chalet

contact the food.

contact the transport.

contact the crews.

contact the managers.

i tot there wont be alot of ppl going.

so i was kind of reluctant.

but just 2days b4 the outing.

i decided to msg all my crews and 'pysco' them to go.

initially i tot less den 50% of crews will attend.

but ended up.

abt 60% of them turned up.

im satisfied le.

hmm.

though my first game was kind of unsuccessfull.

but i can see tat most of them enjoyed the next 2 games i planned for them.

phew~

hee.

the other program is at the sea.

well.

i was thrown into the sea without realising.

its expected already.

so i plan to sabo ppl too.

haffis overheard my 'sabo plan'

he say im cheap.

lols!!

=DD

well anyway.

tot haffis wont enjoy with us.

he still can get along well with us tat day.

hmm.

i saw him so hao lian on the first day i saw him at marina.

abt half a mth liao.

he becoming better already.

its good lah.

work peacefully happily together.

(:

I LOVE CREW OUTING 2008!!!

hmm.

i have not been meeting my dear for 1week le.

miss him wor.

):

hmm.

long long time nv blog le.

well.

lots of things happened.

im so stress until.

at a certain point of time.

i just feel like giving up everything.

including him.

but im noe tat im stupid to think of tat.

im just so tired once again.

mentally tired.

just dont wana do and think anything.

simply i wana take a rest.

i hate to plan things ahead.

i just dunno y the things tat i plan always cant success de.

so fed up de lor.

hais.

watever it is.

over le.

forget it.

today is nan's last day.

quite sad lor.

she has been like my 3rd mother for the past 8mths.

ever since i transferred to marina.

she taught me so much things.

ya she really nagged alot.

but we still having fun while working.

now she gonna transferred out.

no more mum.

no more her naggings.

somehow will miss it.

but most impt is.

we all will miss her much!!

26th may is my first crew outing at marina.

tirta and me organise it.

hope everything goes on smoothly.

i wana enjoy it!!

hee.

=DD

to realise the value of a year...

ask the person who dignosed cancer

the realise the value of a month...

ask a pre-matured baby

to realise the value of a week...

ask a weekly newspaper editor

to realise the value of a day...

ask a daily wage worker

to realise the vaue of an hour...

ask the lovers who waiting anxiously to meet

to realise the value of one minute...

ask the person who just missed the last train

to realise the value of one second...

ask the survival of a car accident

to realise the value of one millisecond...

ask the athelet who came in the race

tats the value of TIME.

are all the statements true?

yup i think its very true.

(:

to study or to work?

to stay or to go?

y in life have to do so much decisions?

the worst thing is the older u get the more things you have to decide.

the worst worst thing is you have to make more and more complex decisions.

i really hate to make decisions.

maybe im used to be a follower.

seldom make decisons since teenage.

so ended up im like this.

really hate myself so so much.

hais.

sometimes i wana make my own decision.

but ppl ard me will psyco me.

so made me so indecisive.

and the fact is.

im actually quite indecisive.

hais.

wat can i do?

im like going crazy le u noe?

hmm.

out of sudden feel like trying something new.

wana try something tat im always telling myself i dont like like.

but wat if i tried le and i really dont like it?

do i have a choice to turn back?

or have to continue with it even though i dont like it?

or have to try another thing le?

hais.

ya tats y im afraid to try something new.

afraid of failures.

tats y im always where i was 5yrs ago.

think if i continue to afraid and scared all the way.

think 50yrs later im still doing the same old stuff?

hais dunno lah.

can anyone guide me wat i suppose to do now?

shld i try or not to try?

went to yun's 21st bdae celebration.

happy and glad for her afterall.

(:

im like always creating problems.

i noe im giving him stress.

but im just cant control my emotions.

hais.

i must be understanding.

i must compromise with his schedule.

but i want him to acc me.

i dont wana be alone.

i hate to be alone.

but how?

wat can i do?

wat can he do?

we both really wonders.

hmm.

had been like so busy for the past 3weeks.

12mar my bro POP.

went to attend with my mother.

15mar he went to ns.

went to send him with his friends.

i did not break your promise wor.

am i guai?

hee.

but tats the day tat we start to spend lesser time le.

tats wat i hate to admit the fact.

18mar went to dinner and dance at zouk.

hmm not as fun as expected ba.

maybe coz i stick to june and faridah.

they dont go this kind of places de.

so like boring.

went off quite early oso.

19mar the day aft my dinner and dance got sore eyes.

went to see doctor to get mc.

haa.

20mar the next day went back to msia.

haa not purposely go take mc de hor!

at the same time he book out on tat day too.

quite sad tat cant go fetch him.

hmm.

went msia.

saw my newly born cousin and niece.

hee.

and oso to get my hair perm by my cousin.

hee.

glad tat till now no one says its ugly.

lols.

came back singapore on 23mar.

finally can see him le.

for tat past week.

when he is in camp can only talk to him for less den 10mins.

when he book out le contact thru few msg and calls.

coz oversea msg and calls is ex!!

haa.

miss him~

hmm.

had comeover the fear le.

(:

25mar went to batam with all my colleauges.

really all 9 of us all turn up.

so happy!!

=D

met tirta in the train abt 0720.

reached harbourfront abt 0745.

den both of us met bee eng there den realise actually we took the same train.

haa.

den 3 of us went to have kfc breakfast.

james already there le.

tried their breakfast.

not as nice.

haa.

den francis firdaus dennis nan n faizal went kfc to look for us.

aft breakfast went to catch our ferry at 1000.

this is the first time in my life went to another country other den msia.

haa.

so excited.

the tourguide brought us to 2 temple.

had seafood lunch.

had massage.

first time had massage.

really feels good lr.

s$20 for one and a half hrs.

consider damn cheap ba.

haa.

had shopping.

dont really have enough time to shop.

imagine we used run to shop ard.

sounds so kua zhang lor.

lols.

ended up.

i only bought myself a s$12 odm watch.

lols.

the rest i bought is all food.

6donuts which look and taste like donut factory's.

only cost s$4.50

cake lapis s$11.

which singapore are selling $30 to $40.

my goodness~

we oso went a&w to have our favouite root float and the waffle ice cream~!!

yummy!!

something tat cant find in singapre anymore le.

haa.

=DD

aft tat den go back singapore le.

abt 2000 we rached singapore.

really enjoyed myself.

=DD

28mar going to yun's bdae chalet.

but still have to work.

sians~

hmm.

found myself changed alittle.

as in did not irritate him tat much to make him angry le.

im not as stubborn as before.

hope tat he can see and feel the changed.

i dont wana stress him out.

(:

i TOT last few days before he go ns we can spend more time together.

but the fact is.

we have lesser time for each other.

i dunno y.

when im working he is at home.

when he is working im at home doing nth.

like today.

so wat i off on sunday.

but he is working.

hais.

the higher my expectation.

the greater dissapointment i will get.

happy belated 6th!!

(:

had decided to register to SIM.

but no money to study.

sians.

register hopefully got a place for me first.

den consider to study this yr or next yr ba.

hmm seems like they are using different ways to suan me.

or am i thinking too much?

they seems like more happy without my presence.

is our friendship still exist?

i always tot im the luckiest one to have friends ten over yrs.

but seems like im wrong this time.

ended up they are the ones who dont understand me.

made me sad and stress for so many days.

shld i make the first move?

or they shld start the ball rolling?

so happy to see kor kor visited me at work today.

he looks more fresher den the past week.

perhaps tat week was his most difficult days during his life ba.

kor kor jia you!!

stay happy!!

=D

well anyway i saw one grp of nyp lecturers at my work just now.

so damn shocked.

think due to the IT fair at suntec.

somemore tat grp are those tat i dont like most.

eee~

i run away first lor.

haa.

out of sudden i miss michelle.

i miss my ai ren.

my poly best friends ba.

im just closer to the 2 of them den others.

meet up!!

hee.

im wondering who are the ones still reading my blog.

if u are.

think u must be good in html ba.

haa.

she asked me for my pw.

i did not reply.

perhaps the trust is not there le ba.

i LOVE my family~

i LOVE my friends~

i LOVE my dear~

=p

now i noe who are my friends.

and who are not my friends.

its really so damn true tat dont judge a book by its cover.

i really got nothing to say if they think im tat kind of ppl.

but still.

thank god tat i always have my jies have me all while.

once a while receive call from them really made me feel warm.

although i did not turn up for gatherings.

but im not forgotten by them.

im not being blamed by them.

they understand me.

true friend dont need alot.

1 or 2 its enough.

yup now i really noe.

hmm.

the older i am.

i realise more and more things.

i been through thru more and more.

now i wana put all of my unhappiness aside.

treasure my last 10days with my bf b4 he go ns.

slim down eat lesser so tat i can be pretty on my dinner and dance at zouk on 18march.

den go on leave back to my beloved malaysia hometown on 20 to 23march.

hopefully can go batam with my management team to relax ourselves as our reward coz we all work real hard.

lols.

yup!

dont waste time and energy to think and worry abt stuffs tat made me sad.

might as well think how to be happy right?

hee.

=p

hais.

its really painful to see someone leaving this world right infront of ur eyes.

i really cant rmb when is the last time i visited her.

and now she's gone.

gone forever.

at least im there to acc her during very last journey and till her very last breathe.

kor kor u must take care k?

i noe u love ur mother very much.

im sure ur mother noes it too.

i believe tat ur mother will be having good life too at the other world tat we cant see.

kor kor i will always rmb wat u had told me the past few days.

actually i felt great too to meet up 2 of my closer kor kor.

the rest not close de.

den i realise im the 'princess'.

coz im the only girl at our generation.

haa.

instead of being dote.

i got bullied from the 2 kor kor.

so bad.

1 asked me to buy psp for his bdae present.

1 asked me to buy air ticket for his bdae present.

-_-

life is unpredictable.

2mths b4 i lost 1 family member.

i did not went coz its during my bdae week my mother dont allow me to go.

den 2mths aft lost another one.

hais.

so wat if i look fine today.

who noes wat will happen to me tmr?

losing a family menber forever is already heartpain.

at the same time.

i think i had lost 4 friends.

i dunno y.

i dunno how.

i dunno wat.

i dunno when.

hais.

my nightmare is finally here.

the news i dont wana hear eventually still has to be heard.

the day i dont wana it to arrive will be arriving in 22days.

15march2008

dont stop me from crying.

let me be.

dear im going to miss you very very very much...

i really dunno how to survive without u le.

for the past 6mths i had been sticking u so closely.

i cant imagine how my life will be like without u.

dear dont worry k?

i will be strong de.

i will be waiting for u de.

love u my dear.

(:

hais.

y i just cant do well in the things i do?

morale reallie damn low now.

y they can do it but i cant?

made me no more confidence.

feel like avoiding it.

hais.

ya well perhaps failure is always a failure ba.

wat can i do when im sad?

cry?

sleep?

do nothing?

daydream?

anyone can tell me?

wat can i do to relise stress?

shout?

yell?

scream?

or cry?

hais.

i dont want this kind of life.

i wana be happy.

i dont wana be sad.

i wana to smile.

i ont wana to cry.

but how?!?!

now im really confuss tat whether i wana be alone or i need an accompanyment.

when im alone how i wish there's someone to talk to me so tat i wont feel down.

but sometimes how i wish ppl can leave me alone so tat i can cry to myself.

hais.

wat i really want lah?

i really wonder.

ohh ya i forget to mention.

well maybe i said it damn long time ago.

so those who are new to my blog wont noe.

i hate ppl to talk abt my blog details outside.

dont discuss it among ppl too!!

once u read it.

either u rmb it and shut up.

or jolly well u can just forget it.

and if u feel offended.

sorry.

its my blog afterall.

dont like it den just simply dont read!

i dont mind.

my purpose of blogging is to pour out all my feelings.

happiness and sadness.

if i allow u to say it out or discuss among group.

y i still bother to blog?

i might as well write and put on newspaper.

den ALL will noe.

no need ppl to talk abt it.

ya.

tats another reason y am i tat angry tat day.

n oso the reason y i changed my password.

hmm had been 2weeks ever i last blogged.

cny is over.

yup first time in my memory i celebrate cny in singapore.

went chinatown on the eve.

first day and second day of cny went for movie.

of coz i simply love being with him.

but others just cant understand me.

out of sudden aft our happy dinner gathering.

she came against me.

worst thing is.

not directly.

is indirectly.

y wana pass msg?

just tell me straight.

still say we are friends for more den 10yrs.

for tat fucking 10yrs u dont understand me?

ya perhaps u have not.

i dont feel hurt for those words u said to me.

i felt so damn fucking angry.

more den u told someone to pass the msg to me tat u're pissed with me.

how i wana treat my bf is my prob.

how u wana treat ur bf its ur hell god damn prob.

y wana interfere?

i just feel tat wasted my effort treating u as my friend.

wat a FRIEND!!

wat made me real damn mad was.

she went round telling ppl tat im wrong.

i shld change.

i just wana stop the small matter to become big matter.

i told her 'ok stop it'

den again she went round telling ppl tat i had admitted tat im in the wrong.

i will change.

wat the fuck~?!

wat she meant by tat?

telling ppl tat she had won the battle?

and i had lost?!

fuck off~!!

ARGH!!!

aft tat.

i kept on thinking.

wat had i achieve in my life?

think think think.

seems nothing.

feels like im a failure.

mother always nagging tat im not a good daughter.

bf commented im selfish and stubborn.

friends say tat i neglected them.

boss say tat i had not done a good job.

see.

wat and where else im good at?

im like a failure in all areas in my life.

TOTAL FAILURE~

hais...

hmm came back from work.

i feel much much more tired to work opening den working closing.

coz if i worked opening i only slp for like 3hrs.

den if i work closing i still can slp 6 to 8hrs.

haa.

anyway my boss like treat me so nice like tat.

tmr and sun im off.

den cny 1st and 2nd im off.

actually i only request off on 1st day nia.

but 2nd day im off too!

so happy.

lols.

but off where can i go?

im not like the rest go around visiting relatives.

so i dunno where to go and wat to do.

but luckily both of the days he is not working too.

hee.

cny dinner ah cny dinner.

still rmb we had it last yr.

so fun.

having the lao yu sheng.

wana have it again this yr.

(:

back from work.

hmm my feb schedule still not out.

sians.

are we having any renuion dinner this yr?

seems like no one starting the ball rolling.

later i plan le last min give excuses and less den 50% of the ppl turn up.

its like wasting my effort planning.

heart pain de leh.

once again to plan a gathering is not a easy job.

hais.

see my mood lah.

wana plan or not.

but if i nv plan.

when are we going to meet up again?

till one day dont care abt each other?

eventually forget one another?

hais hais hais.

i really wat to do le lah.

the more i think.

the more my heart feel hurt.

can someone pls advice?

if i were to ask u 'wat do u see urself in 3yrs time?'

wat ur ans will be?

im being asked this qns by my business consultant.

i crapped one big round with her.

but actually i dont really understand wat the hell im trying to say.

im like a person with no goals in my life.

i dunno wat i wana do in the future.

and of coz i dunno wat will i be doing in the future.

am i going to continue to persue my dream?

i want to.

but im scared of failure again.

how many yrs can i try?

1yr?

2 yrs?

5yrs?

or 10yrs?

arghh.

forget it.

i will stay watever im now.

hais.

im really afraid to think far.

i just hope tat everyday have a better tmr.

im satisfied.

phew~

had been working like mad the past few days.

dont say le lah.

angry.

fed up.

but i cant do anything.

ya.

unlike last time.

can revenge.

but now.

wat i can do is.

to suffer myself.

hais.

anyway those hard days are over.

went shopping aft work with candice to relax myself ba.

i went back to the same shop to get another dress.

tube dress this time round.

something new.

something tat i did not have before.

hee.

candice bought the same as me too.

hmm well.

actually is i bought the same one as her.

coz is she the one who spot it first.

hee.

den we bought the same sandels.

and oso the same wedges.

hee.

happie happiee~!!

=DD

yup think im done with my cny shopping le.

dont wana spend somemore liao.

think i had spent more den 200bucks liao leh.

=x

bRoKe~

ohh ya!

had watched rambo 4 few days back with him.

its like omg lor.

so er xin~!!

errrrr...

just came back from work.

tired~

3crews nv turned up for work.

-_-

made 3managers worked like mad dogs.

haa.

tired is tired.

things tat i wana to be done i still can do it.

maybe not all have the same thinking as me.

well.

i need to be more understanding ba.

hmm... ...~

actually im so mood-less de.

but aft talking to my goon du friend junaina.

i feel better.

hmm.

it had been a long time ever we talk on phone.

we seldom talked too le.

aft i transfer out from kallang.

to marina square.

den she transfer out to funan.

den attach to T3.

aft tat back to funan.

now tell me she wana resign.

wth~

i just promoted.

den she wana resigned.

still promised me to go D&D this year together.

idiotic she~

-_-

yeah yeah.

talking abt D&D.

its abt on march.

hee.

looking forward for it!!

=p

not working today.

feeling so damn tired and lazy.

dont feel like doing anything and going anywhere.

just came back from work.

my nose is killing me.

sneeze and sneeze for the whole day.

abt a week le lor.

bth~

yeah yeah.

came back from shopping at queensway.

he got his shoe.

i got my skinny jeans.

=DD

but.

he claims tat i look fat although tats SKINNY jeans.

so sad!!

i still buy it.

coz.

he only tell me aft i paid.

-_-''

to my surprise.

he brought me to ecp aft tat.

y surprise?

coz i was told to close my eyes almost 3/4 of the journey.

its like takin roller coaster in the dark.

felt so giddy.

den when i open my eyes.

yeah im at ecp!

i like to go there.

to slack.

to enjoy the sea breeze.

to listen to the sea wave

hee.

=p

aft two off days.

later going to work at 330pm.

like to work closing shifts.

coz im a night lfe person.

haa.

just came back from our shopping trip.

well perhaps is HIS shopping trip instead ba.

coz he is the one who bought lotsa stuffs while im empty handed.

lols.

went bugis street.

he bought himself one jeans and two tops.

is guys jeans tat ex?

59bucks for one?

omg~

haa.

actually wana get myself another skinny.

but tat particular shop is damn lots of ppl.

so i changed my mind not to get it.

haa.

we went to catch ONE MISSED CALL.

nice movie.

coz i like horror mah.

haa.

horror-ness: 9/10

storyline: 6.5/10

the lead actor died and the story somehow got no ending.

and oso dunno how the whole story actually started.

haha.

well but still kinda recommanded.

anyway is it true tat watching horror movies is like wasting money to scare urself?

perhaps its true for those who are scared and dont like.

but.

i like it.

LOLs~!!

=DD

surprisingly he is not working today.

surprise coz i dunno it at all.

haha.

think we might be going to queensway coz he wana get shoes.

think i might can get skinny there.

grab some tops if i can find any.

hee.

another shopping trip on 28!!

haha.

with dolly and candice.

maybe lisa too,

wana get shoes tat day.

hee.

yeah yeah yeah~

shop shop shop till drop before cny!!

=p

today is sunday.

so happy tat im off.

tmr im off too.

its so great tat having 2 off days straight.

already planned to go out today.

but i dunno how is the plan going on.

i looking forward for today for a very long time.

supposely to be happy.

but..

sads.

seriously is very difficult to handle family work friends and bf all at one time.

i believe everyone dont wish to neglect any of it.

tat including me.

so wat can i do to have equal and sufficient time for all?

went for dinner.

shun bian went to kallang mcd to visit them.

so sad lor.

they say i getting fatter liao.

OMG~!!!

i really need to do sth abt it lor.

hais

haha.

no jogging today.

coz he finishing work at 7pm instead of 11pm.

going out for dinner later.

hee.

and dunno y these few days i had been sneezing for the whole day.

he miss me too much?

lols.

=D

just feel uncomfortable.

excuse?

haa.

but still i wana slim down!!

but how?!?!

argh... ...

hmm.

another working day had past.

and today im off again.

think im gonna stay at home again.

wana go jogging.

hope the weather wont be bad.

haa.

dunno y i somehow looking forward for cny.

kinda excited abt it.

hee.

=p

planned to go jogging just now in the evening de.

but heavy rain.

my plan is ruined.

-_-

yup finally i uploaded photos in my friendster le.

aft 2mths i guess

haa.

hmm its wednesday le.

well im not working today.

gonna stay at home to slack the whole day.

it had been a very very long time ever since i last slack at home whole day.

haa.

haiya suet ah suet.

i dunno wat to say abt myself lor.

sensitive is ok.

but y am i forever OVER sensitive de.

actually nth happen.

made me so damn afraid to go work.

yup.

at least now think i dont need to worry tat much le ba.

my confidence is back again.

im willing to learn form my mistake.

and wont let history happen again.

(:

seriously shit.

i wana slim down b4 cny~!!

=DD

yup cny is less den a mth time.

cny shopping started but has not end.

gonna shop more!

hee.

this cny will be very different ba.

im not going back malaysia for cny.

aft 19yrs?

haa i dunno when i was baby i did went back or not.

at least 12yrs i celebrated cny at malaysia.

but this yr cant.

first due to i cant take leave for the whole feb.

isn't it idiotic?

hais.

secondly my bro in ns le.

tats y.

hais.

i miss my ah yi.

i miss my jiu jiu(s).

i miss my cousins esp my fav biao jie!!

and lastly definately i miss my 7 cutest nicece and nephews~!!

):

its MONDAY~!!

a brand new week.

forget abt last week.

and start new.

be happy.

(:

had watched the movie LINGER by zai zai.

not too bad.

rating 7/10

im back to online spree le~!!

omg!!

lols.

hope i wont be addicted once again and spend ALOT.

haa.

hais.

im so sad.

im so afraid.

im so stress.

im such a failure.

in the past im so confident tat i can do my job properly.

but actually i dont have tat much capabilities.

or am i having to much confidence in myself.

im too proud le?

i believe tat ALL human being make mistake right?

actually i shld learn from mistake.

instead of learning.

i repeat the same mistake.

again again.

and now im losing confidence le.

i dont feel like doing it le.

im so scared.

im afraid to overcome my fear.

i hope i can run away from the problem.

but i noe i cant.

i need to pay responsible to wat i had done.

hais.

working is so fucking stress.

i really got the mindset of dont wana work le.

i wana go study.

aft this matter had happened.

the more i wana go study.

am i trying to avoid the problem?

or i just really wana study.

i cant differentiate.

hais.

i really wana cry le.

i dunno wat to do le.

i cant do or say anything but only to say SORRY.

i dunno how am i going to face her tmr.

i dunno how she going to nag at me.

i dunno whether i can hold on my tears or not.

but i hope i can.

coz i dont wana let my crews see tat im not strong.

hais its not easy to act and pretend.

no one else can help me except myself.

think tmr i need to face the 'music'.

den next build up my confidence once again,

and lastly overcome the fear ba.

hope this plan will really work ba.

(:

ITS SATURDAY~!!

and im not working.

hee yeah.

=p

yup yup.

year 2008 had past 1 week plus le.

let me list out my resolutions.

1. to be a good daughter

2.to be a good gf

3.to save more money and spend less

4.slim down

5.to get into nus to study mathematical sciences

6.to get my driving licence

happy 2008~!!

(:

back home.

im so so so tired.

i dunno im tired coz of work.

or tired coz of the medication tat cause drowsiness.

started work at 0715.

ended work at 1615.

going to meet dear aft work.

but he finish work at 1800.

so i stayed in store to do some of my paper work den go off.

had not list my 2008 resolutions yet.

got some on mind.

will post it on my next post.

im so damn sleepy le.

i wana go slp liao.

good night everyone~

(:

o0o.

so so so long nv update le.

hee paiseh ah.

my bdae over.

celebrated with my 4 crazy girls.

celebrated with my 3 jies.

celebrated with my dear.

im happy.

im contented.

(:

xmas over.

no outings.

no countdown.

just being with him at the very first moment of xmas.

(:

new year over.

again no celebration.

no countdown..

just dont feel like being in the crowd.

having him watching fireworks with me.

im glad.

im happy.

acutally tat is one of my wish long ago.

to watch fireworks with my love one.

i just find it so romantic.

hee.

finally my wish come true during the very first moment of the year 2008.

hope year 2008 will be a good year for me.

(:

my bro just went into ns.

'where boy become man'

lols.

wish him good luck.

all the best.

endure and tolerate.

(:

so i think i can be online more often le ba.

haa.

im sick.

just went to see doctor.

had fever while working ytd.

had panadol felt much better,

but my throat is still hurting me.

even eating and drinking is hurting me like hell~!!

hais.

i hate to be alone.

i really feel miserable when im alone.

i hate saying bye.

coz im afraid tat will be the last moment of everything.

i hate empty promises.

its really hurt when u say it but did not do it.

despite its just a small matter.

met him.

feel so much better aft seeing him.

had been worrying for him for past 2 days.

he kind of settle himself down.

he claim tat he felt much more better.

he dont wana let me noe in the first place coz he dont wana me to worry.

he oso dont wan me to disturb him coz he already damn stress out.

he only call me the next early in the morning to inform me.

think wat can i do now so tat i wont feel so useless is to be with him.

by his side when he need someone most.

like now.

(:

ytd actually i really wana go pei him de.

but im working.

now i cant say dont go work den go work le.

unlike last time.

so really no mood to work.

den just now he told me if im the one in his suituation.

he will not go work and come pei me.

i noe he is not indirectly saying tat i did not go pei him.

but i still feel like of hurt.

not i dont want.

is i cannot.

hais.

from wat i noe.

guy's pride are high.

im so afraid tat now he is in this suituation.

he will leave me.

from wat i see.

i think i hope i pray i believe tat he wont do tat to me.

(:

girl~

thanks for ur msg.

*BIG hug*

im so touch to see tat msg.

i dunno is to smile or to cry.

i did not reply coz if i did think my tears will drop.

but when i reached home.

i read it again.

my tears did drop.

hais.

im still the girl i used to be.

cry so damn easily.

i tot i had became strong.

but actually im have not.

im still 'not a strong girl'.

like before.

had been a very long time ever since i had the feeling im having now.

have u ever cried with ur pillow and no one consoled u?

i just cried with my pillow and no one consoled me.

have u ever felt desperate in finding someone to talk to but no someone for u to talk to?

im now feeling so desperate in finding someone to talk to but no one for me to talk to.

i really wana cry all my sorrow out till i got no more tears to drop.

well perhaps blogging is a good way for me to throw my frustration.

vent my anger.

'listen' to all my sorrows.

i miss those days tat just 1 call or just 1 msg.

all will come out to talk to laugh and even to cry.

but now?

things had change.

again.

im tired.

real tired.

mentally tired.

abt work?

yes.

there is really endless work for me to complete.

it seems like to take forever to finish.

24hrs per day is not enough for me.

hais.

abt relationship?

yes.

i just feel tat im a useless gf.

he is in trouble yet i cant do anything to help him.

i dunno wat to do.

isn't it im useless?

hais.

i really dunno wat will happen next.

really hope and pray tat everything will turn better.

y is my life have to go thru so much ups and downs.

i really got enough of those le.

when can i have my carefree life?

when im old in my 80s?

oso dunno im tat long life or not.

hais.

all i want is to enjoy life.

y cant i?

sat n sun off.

this week i only work 4 days.

isn't it great?

lols.

hope my next mth schedule will be this wonderful too.

wahaha~

=DD

had been msging ppl dating them out for my celebration.

xmas celebration too!!

hee.

abit kiasu?

ok lah.

all ppl so busy.

if nv book them early think they wont be free de.

haa.

but i still got no idea where to go yet.

any suggestions?

hee.

=p

appreciate for those who replied me.

for those who nv reply.

does it mean tat they dont seem to care?

i wonder.

so do i need to care whether they attend or not?

im still wondering.

hmmm... ...

so shocking.

last week saw diana during work.

ytd receive her msg saying she getting engage on 9dec.

wow congrats her!!

hope i can go ba.

dont dare to request another sunday off again.

coz i had request 3 weekends off liao.

opps!

bleah!

dont envy wat others are having.

achieve wat u wana get.

(:

my 5 days class is over.

got another cert.

got another diploma.

did not get dean's list.

did not get any award back.

of coz im sad.

still i had already done my best.

wat the consultants and bosses say is right.

did not get any award is alright.

the most impt thing is to apply wat we had learnt during th 5 days in store.

yup.

(:

back to work.

more confident.

troubleshoot things and equipments is in my fingertips le.

can think fast le.

haa.

5 days did not work in store.

i missed my store.

i missed my crews.

slowly there had became my second home liao.

haa.

i had overcome the fear of doing cloing alone.

unlike the first few times got so much problems.

lols.

but still there is so many ppl objecting me working this.

i still find no reason for me to leave this job.

the bottom line is.

i love this job.

unless one day i hate this job.

i will leave.

if not i feel tat no one have the right to stop me from wat i love to do.

tat include my love ones.

(:

met diana at my work ytd.

recently so got fate with my poly friends.

think its really time for us to have a gathering ba.

but when?

lols.

at times.

im still afraid.

i still feel so insecure.

i still having the fear of losing tat i used to have.

i dont want!

I dOnT wAnT!!

I DONT WANT ALL THESE~!!!

but.

we both love each other so much tat dont bear to leave.

hee.

=p

so qiao.

2 days ago met my ai ren at bugis.

i did not notice her.

is like suddenly got 2 hands appear right infront of me.

as if wana slap me like tat.

haa.

den i realise is her.

im so shocked.

i shouted lor.

lols.

miss my ai ren so much.

oso dunno when we can meet again.

soon k?

again so qiao.

met zhao at marina square my workplace there.

he was with those guys tat im not close with.

so nv go and say hello to them.

haa.

they was not at mac.

they was beside at starbucks.

everything is just so damn qiao lor.

i was outside taking delivery then zhao walk pass mac.

i was like 'ehh zhao~!!'

lols.

den we chatted for awhile.

yeah long ago i expected for sure he sure say me.

i did not organise chalet.

-_-

he always blame me on this.

since feb last day of sch.

till july de graduation.

till oct zhao went ns liao.

i still nv organise.

haha.

seriously i dunno when we can get all together again leh.
is tat possible?

who can make it possible?

when can this be possible again?

yo hoo~!!

i had uploaded all my recent pics.

college and photoshop them le.

all at my friendster le.

haha dolly lisa sorry for the delay.

to apologise i had email u 2 liao.

hee.

for the rest of u all who wants invidual photos.

try ur luck and catch me on msn ba.

coz the file is too large cant attach to email.

ohh ya!!

do comment on the college i had done wor.

enjoy seeing!

hee.

=p

work work work.

got so much things to do.

endless stuffs to complete.

going to mid month le.

pay cut off date is drawing near.

lotsa stuffs to key in.

need to be quick coz i wont be in store for abt a week.

wait my crews got less pay all come aft me den i die liao lor.

work work work.

argh~

hmm.

things really seems like changing as time goes.

i felt so insecure.

like wat i used to feel.

i dont like to feel it tat way.

im really afraid the insecure feeling will one day become losing.

i really cant afford to lose.

hais.

perhaps im just thinking too much?

or im not used to this kind of sudden change of lifestyle?

or im just simply asking too much?

i really wish hope and pray tat i wont make another mistake.

(:

had iris bdae celebration at waraku.

no full attendance.

but we still enjoy ourselves.

(:

will upload all my photos soon.

no time to photoshop them.

will do all one shot when i got the time.

dont come aft me for the photos.

esp dolly and lisa.

opps!

lols.

=D

im doing quite well at work.

learning things bit by bit as days goes by.

adapting to the stress.

going for class on the 12nov.

looking forward for the class.

coz aft class im certified assistant manager.

den i got 1 less thing to stress abt le wat.

coz go for the class need to do so much pre work.

like doing homework lor.

so on the 17nov back to work.

can happily wear my '2nd assistant manager' nametag liao.

'trainee manager' nametag can throw aside liao.

den next month pay higher le.

haa.

next.

things going very well between me and him.

the time we spend together is really much more lesser den before le.

coz of his work and my work.

reallie hope tat work wont pull us apart.

happy 2mths.
(:

work is so stress.

now i really can feel the stress of being a manager.

just came back from work and oso management meeting.

and found out i got so many things to do.

and so many things have not done yet.

tats working life ba.

finish work my whole mind still thinking of work.

wat are things i still need to do.

wat are things not done yet.

haiyo stress ah.

haa.

hais.

i really envy those ppl having perfect family.

unlike mine.

dont have a mother who can really understand how youngster feel and wat youngster wan nowadays.

her mindset is stucked in her oldies.

and oso my relationship with my brother is not tat close like how others treat their siblings.

they can be best friends.

hais.

is not i dont want to go home.

somehow i dont like to go home.

i go home like no one bother abt me.

i go home like a dumb.

no one talk to me.

go home like so weird.

they like strangers.

hais i noe tat should not be the way.

but i dunno how to change the way.

i really dunno wat to do lah.

had a great full attendance gathering on our liu jie's birthday.

had our dinner at grapevine.

(:

my work had been very good.

when i went back to kallang for visit or for class.

ppl ask me how's work?

my ans will be 'very good.. better den kallang'.

yup tats the truth.

the crews there are good.

the impt thing is tat the management team there is united.

no badmouth.

no chaos.

no backstabbers.

unlike kallang's.

im really fortunate tat im transferred there.

with such a great resturant manager and 1st assistant.

i must really appreciate and do a good job.

looking forward for my class next month.

and i already take over payroll le.

can say i progress very fast le.

less den 2mths i already doing shift.

did cashsheet.

and oso had took over payroll.

although there's some crop up in my cashsheet lah.

lols.

need practice ba.

i believe i can do a good job de.

(:

met josias when i went back kallang 2 days ago.

and he congrat me regarding my promotion,

so happy.

to think back.

audrey did not even congrat me at all.

wat the shit right?

i miss my crazy five girls.

i miss our bitching and laughing session.

when can we have another one?

kbox session too!!

rmb those times tat we went until we got sore throat and our stomach are so full when we walked out of kbox?

lols.

but we are all so busy nowadays.

work work work.

we are all working now.

if u all free must ask me out de wor.

hee.

meet up soon~!

=p

i noe in life u will nv feel contented.

in any moment u will want sth more.

but at least now i feel so contented in my current life.

having wat i wanted and wished for.

got a stable job and im so happy working there.

having my friends and love one ard me and i love them so much.

really hope tat i wont lose anything or anyone of them.

really cant imgine i lose any of them.

think my life will be miserable and terrible ba.

haa.

I WANT TO BE HAPPY DURING EVERY SINGLE MOMENT OF MY LIFE~!!

=D

if u all got read newspaper.

u might noe one of the unit opposite my block caught fire.

its already abt 3am.

i worked closing reached home abt tat time.

its so scary to see a huge water hose on the main road frm my hse.

all the way thru the carpark.

den to the cover walkway under block.

i already noe sth weird is happening.

i walked further along the walkway.

i saw ALOT of ppl.

hello its 3am.

y on earth ppl are not sleeping but loittering under block.

ppl was looking and facing up.

den i saw 2 fire engines.

im scared.

im shocked.

im panic.

i called my mother immediately.

to ask her where is she.

she told me she was outside the hse.

den i look up where all the ppl were looking.

it was actually opposite my block.

i relax abit.

i went up my hse and ask my mother wat happen.

she told me hse caught fire lor.

just now i reached home i read the news le.

the little girl who like to play fire and 'finally' the hse caught fire.

its midnight and her mother not at home.

wth lor.

read the link below and u will noe wat happen actually.

http://www.straitstimes.com/Latest%2BNews/Singapore/STIStory_167016.html

hee.

lazy to type out the whole story lah.

lols.

hmm.

feeling stress actually.

i met few friends tat had not been contacting for quite some time.

i met ivor few days back near my hse.

he asked me whether im studying uni or not.

i said no.

fine.

next i met jinlong on msn.

he asked the same thing.

sians.

is like ppl 'expecting' me to study uni.

but the fact is i did not.

aiya watever it is.

i enjoy working life now.

i dont care wat ppl say abt me.

(:

here comes another post ever since my last post.

most of u all shld noe tat my life had changed quite alot.

had changed job surounding and new post.

yup i finally got promoted.

happy with wat im doing now.

having good restaurant manager.

having good colleagues.

having good crews.

im consider lucky le.

hope my luck will be with me where ever i go.

will i stay at mcd forever?

maybe?

i really dunno.

i dont find anything bad if i work there.

if i really like the job.

y not right?

is it a waste?

i dont think so ba.

now i realise promotion in mcd oso see qualifications de.

experience is not impt.

if u got the cert.

u will get the post.

so if i think back.

if i nv get my diploma.

think i wont be a 2nd assistant manager.

think i will just be a floor manager nia.

hmm when will be my next promotion?

im aiming to get promoted to 1st assistant manager in 5yrs time.

(:

another thing is i found someone who love me truefully.

i hope so.

really hope pray bless tat i wont meet the wrong one again.

it really took me time and alot of courage to accept him.

he gave me the courage to fall in love again.

he gave me confidence to believe in guys again.

he let me realise tat actually there are still good guys ard me.

this time round i really did consider.

im not as silly as last time le ba.

i think so.

consider real hard.

some of u might noe.

some of u are there for me during the days tat im considering.

telling u all stories abt him.

telling u all things he done for me.

thanks for giving me advices.

really thanks tat being there for me.

actually he did ask me whether i had forgotten the past.

den i told him.

forgetting the past is one thing.

forgetting the way tat he hurt me is another thing.

watever it is.

wat is past let it past ba.

i really hope tat he is my mr right tat i had been searching for.

we had been together for a mth le.

things had changed.

he started to get angry easily.

i started to throw temper easily.

we both realise tat.

we talked abt it too.

its like we both noe each other more le.

den hack care le lor.

we noe tat tat's normal and common for couple.

but we both just dont want tat to happen.

its not very good lor.

yup.

i promised not to throw temper easily.

i promised not to show attitude easily.

(:

both of us oso noes tat for the first few mths are so-called 'honeymoon period'

we asked each other 'can our honeymoon period last forever?'

we hope so too

(:

initially i dont dare to love him so deeply with my whole heart.

im still scared tat i will get hurt again.

he noes tat.

but i see him love me so much.

i just feel tat its unfair to him if i dont love him as much as he love me.

so as time goes by.

slowly i love him more and more le.

if there's anything goes wrong again.

seriously shit i really dunno wat to do.

dunno wat will i become.

well so just hope tat everything goes fine.

nothing bad will happen between us.

(:

dont think i got bf le i forget u all wor.

im not tat kind of friend de wor.

i will still find time to meet u all up.

ar bo u all can try ur luck to go marina square mcd to look for me lor.

haha.

lucky june and shinyi.

went to find me juct nice im working.

thanks for the subway.

im sorry tat im busy at tat point of time.

got no time to do drinks for u all.

hees.

=p

i miss you all~!!

wow.

almost half a mth nv update liao.

haa.

had shinyi aka my wu jie's 20th bdae celebration at chomp chomp.

had shanyun's 20th bdae belated celebration at her hse for a steamboat.

(:

jun was admitted to hospital coz of her back de 'slip-disc' not in place.

dont ask me wats tat.

coz i oso dunno.

had been going to hospital aft work to visit her.

hey im ur second friend who go and visit u hor.

see how impt u are to me and how impt im to u.

lols!!

=D

finally there is someone doing something abt my promotion.

finally i got wat i wanted for so long.

its not my dream but my aim instead.

im promoting to assistant manager wef 1sept.

and i will be transferring to marina centre.

dolly and lisa: actually i wana tell u all personally de but dunno y these few days nv meet up.

haa.

anyway u all no need worry abt me liao.

im not at geylang east central.

no siao lang.

lols.

ehh char bos meet up soon leh.

missing u all liao.

lols.

lots of things and stuffs and happenings to tell u all leh.

hees.

=p

well as for me and him.

had been hanging out with him quite often these few days aft work.

yup i told him im giving him a chance.

but not so soon.

i told him to give me another mth to see whether he is the one.

and at the same time i oso want him to think thru carefully whether am i the one.

as wat many ppl ard me told me.

must enjoy the period of time tat a guy is wooing u.

its rare.

yup now i realise is really rare.

so im enjoying happily now.

hees.

im feel happy and enjoy the times being out with him.

i dont feel anything weird or bad.

so is he the one?

will find out soon.

(:

i ever think before how i wish i can be like jun hospitalise.

how many ppl come and visit me.

den i can count how many true friends are there ard me.

CANDICE happy 20th birthday!!!

haha.

thanks for the treat just now.

really nv thought of u are giving us a treat today.

i thought it was just a dessert session nia.

ended up we having stingray sotong prawn rojak and dessert.

omg~

lols.

well although it was just a hawker treat.

i believe the 4 of us enjoyed ourselves thoroughly.

can see it from our damn loud laughter.

our laughter is really OMG lor.

lols.

anyway thanks candice.

hope u will enjoy ur dae with ur beloved eden.

(:

i dont think candice read my blog afterall.

lols.

well well well.

dolly ah.

lisa ah.

i really damn sad.

feeling damn hopeless.

the more i think.

the more i really dunno wat to do leh.

yup like wat u all said.

if this really drags on.

it will really break up de.

ya i noe.

ya i understand.

but the rest understand mah?

hais.

it takes 2 hands to clap.

for wat im the only who stress?

for wat i do the initiative and no one else initiate?

hais.

i really dunno wat else can i do to save it.

to prevent it from breaking up.

really feel like crying now.

how i wish...

yeah felt so glad tat michelle call me up today!

so damn shock to hear my hp ring.

den saw 'michelle tong' and the pic both of us took at sentosa.

100% SHOCK~!

lols.

ask me when wana meet.

at least she cares to call me up for a meet up.

thanks for remembering me.

we had not been seeing each other for abt 6mths liao.

shld be meeting on next mon.

i asked my airen.

she michelle oso jio ah boon.

this kind of friend is worth to treasure.

looking forward for our meet up.

(:

haa.

the most funny part is when i wana meet up with michelle all.

i still ask dolly whether are we meeting on mon oso or not.

coz we too much program liao ah.

wait crash hafta pang seh one side.

not nice lah.

lols.

=D

friends.

friends..

friends...

now 'friends' made me headache man.

hais~

2 weeks nv online.

busy me ah.

haa.

working.

go out aft work.

stay and slack at workplace aft work.

so go home late almost everyday lor.

=p

had watched the movie SECRET with mike and his friends on national day eve.

the movie is nice but its totally unrealistic lor.

7/10.

den went to boat quay qool bar aft movie.

stay up till 5plus den go home.

my national day plan was totally smashed.

my national day mood was totally smashed too.

although i only slept 4hrs den go to work.

i dont feel tired at all.

im in the mood of working.

im high for the whole day.

looking forward to watch fireworks aft work.

but when i finish work liao.

receive a msg.

seriously lah.

my mood really drop from the top to the most bottom.

hais.

sad lah.

i really worth nothing.

fireworks fireworkds fireworks.

how i wish...

last fri had been dragged to double o by dolly.

haha.

i went is oso coz i nv been there b4 lah.

is actually to celebrate dolly's friend bdae.

ended up lisa and me went oso.

haha.

so damn qiao met jefflina and joey there.

lols.

double o de music no nice so we went down to o bar.

nicer.

we stayed there till 3am till it closes.

aft tat no more plan.

so went home lor.

today off day.

did not go out.

wanted kbox de.

but i budget.

candice budget

dolly budget.

so we all decide to stay at home.

wont spend any money.

lols.

tats all for now ba.

will try to update soon.

miss everyone to care to read my blog!!

love ya~!!

=D

hais.

aft an hour of reading blogs.

thinking.

and some reflections.

yup i did realise tat it had been quite some time ever since i met up my jies.

ever since the harry potter movie ba.

well if i were to ask.

how long it had been ever since our full attendance?

i really dont wish to think back.

but i think i noe the ans.

its really saddening lor.

where did our promises goes to?

dump into the sea?

or disappear into thin air?

hais.

i really dunno wat to do lah.

just tell me wat to do ba.

i had been always trying my best to msg everyone for gathering.

do u noe tat its so damn fucking frustrated with no reply?

some might not noe coz u nv did tat b4.

i dont wana continue with all my nasty words.

i really dunno wat the rest think abt this sistership or rather friendship.

if still treasure it.

so pls be more initiative ba.

i really really really feel very HOPELESS lor.

hais.

who can understand?

no one ba.

im so sad now.

who can be the one to be here with me and to an wei me?

btw there's NO OFFENCE to wat i had just said.

if u feel offended.

im really sorry.

ohh ya.

forgot to add.

tue aft dinner at steakhouse we all went to watch ALONE.

its a nice show.

worth to watch it.

but becareful.

u might be deaf if ur eardrums are not strong enough.

lols.

its like more to the volume made us scared rather den the show made us scared.

btw just came back from a movie marathon.

meet up candice eden and one of eden friend.

we planned to watch SIMPSONS de.

yup.

its funnie.

worth to watch too.

we finish the show ard 845.

its like still early.

den eden suggested to watch another movie.

den i sae watch VACANCY lor.

coz heard tat its a horror movie too.

but more to triller lah.

so we really continue to watch another movie.

but.

vacancy like not nice de lor.

can say is damn bo liao lor.

totoal its like only 8ppl acting in the show nia.

no storyline oso.

so i suggest NOT to watch if u all havent watch it.

best lah.

within 2 days watched 3movies.

power lor~

lols!

mark sim came down today to tell me wat he will be doing to make me promote.

sounds reasonable.

and oso dont wana put him in a difficult suitation.

so wat to do?

have to wait again.

hais.

how long will it take man.

but on the other hand.

i think not much ppl will go for tat position de ba.

well.

better dont be so confident.

but if i still dont get anything after everything.

i think i will hate mark sim?

haha.

finally made the first move.

well i will observe and see hows the suituation.

(:

well well well.

a couple of days did not update.

lotsa stuffs happened.

yup.

thought kids to do some art and craft.

at first had up croked up.

but everything still went on smothly.

hmm there's another issue.

on my way to work tat day.

i went to work together with irene tay.

who is one of the hq ppl.

den she get to noe tat i got another job liao.

at the same time she asked me am i interested in becoming SAE (store activities excecutive).

for ur info.

im STAR (store activities representatives).

so SAE is actually my boss.

my SAE is resigning.

as of today i think she had resigned liao.

so irene was thinking whether im interested to takeover her.

well well well.

y not do a familar job with better pay.

rather den doing a new job with lesser pay.

so i told her can consider.

den she msg mark sim who is my business manager.

den he came immediately to my store to talk to me.

im so damn freaking stress when he reached and wana talk to me.

i dont dare to go near him.

lols.

den he talked to me.

but he will come back to me again lah.

is like 99.9% of the ppl is encouraging me to go for it lor.

den jun overhead tat i might have higher chance in promoting.

so hopefully its real lah ah.

went to wheelocks fish n co to look for samuel.

long time ever since i met him.

thank god he's working.

so jun and me got discount from him.

lols.

lucky he say i slimed down liao.

if not i will leave there immediately.

lols.

my business consultant fred had left the company aft 24yrs and 8mths of commitment.

so sad tat he left.

we all will miss him de.

celebrated dolly's bdae at steakhouse located at cineleisure.

i bot a dress too.

it cost a bomb lor.

but its nice lah.

sometimes still have to pamper myself de.

but not everytime lah.

im not tat rich to pamper myself everytime.

haa.

btw photos will be uploaded in my friendster.

lazy to upload it here.

lols.

thanks nina for the chat.

thans for making me cry aft a long time.

well okie.

i will think it thru de.

(: